The Year of the Longest Nights

Tomorrow we are having a longest night service at church. It is a time where we remember both persons and events that have been a part of our lives in the past, but that are now changed or gone. In preparing for this longest night I have been thinking about my year and the thought crossed my mind: this has really been the year of the longest nights for my wife Ann and me.

January started with the first of four Multiple Sclerosis relapses that Ann experienced. Here are a few excerpts from what I wrote on my blog back in January:

I have to admit that I do not feel strong spiritually right now. I am forced to trust the Lord in a way that I have had to do on several other occasions. I am again reminded that I can only flow with the Spirit at a heart level ... I can only be at peace when I give up control of this situation.

Again in July.. after Ann had got to where she could again walk with a cane.. another relapse came and I penned these thoughts:

Life has its way of intimidating us doesn't it. Nebuchadnezzar can show up in all sorts of ways. Sometimes he shows up overtly demanding that we bow to the things that we know we should not bow to, but sometimes he shows up so subtly intimidating us to bow in thoughts and attitudes. This is where I am challenged today as I watch my wife back in a wheelchair and struggling physically from MS. I find Nebuchadnezzar standing over me today intimidating me ... telling me to bow to a subtle worship of fear, self-pity, hopelessness and despair. I find something rising within me saying, like the guys in Babylon:

O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to give you an answer concerning this matter. Our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the furnace of Multiple Sclerosis; and He will eventually deliver us. But even if He does not, let it be known to you, O king, that we will not bow to feelings of fear, self-pity, hopelessness and despair. This is the day that the Lord has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it.

August and September followed with MS relapses that were progressively worse. In October I wrote this:

Sometimes following Jesus takes us on a journey that is both hard and heartbreaking. Reading Jesus words to Peter so resonates with me this morning. It reminds me that sometimes our path takes us to places "where you do not wish to go". I am in such a place in this season of my life. I have had to take a month long sabbatical from work and church because of the difficult circumstances of my wife's hospitalization.. been almost 3 weeks now.. still struggling.. trying to walk again.. in physical therapy.

Sitting here, at the end of the year, I recall what the Lord spoke to me last month:

If God didn’t cause it then it can be changed.. I don’t have to have a fatalistic view of the future.

The past is Satan’s playground, the future is the Lord’s.. the invitation is to play in God’s playground.. it is an invitation to hope!

That is where I am today.. experiencing the new normal.. letting go of my expectations and embracing Hope.. our Blessed Hope.. the Lord Jesus himself.. the invitation is to hope again.. won't you join me in accepting that invitation?

-Bob Edwards